Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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