She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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