I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize