so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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