She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
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Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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