I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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