Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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