Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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