I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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