i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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