Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize