I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize