Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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