The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
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How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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