The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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