If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize