Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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