and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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