before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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