Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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