He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
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Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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