no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
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I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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