let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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