Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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