I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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