I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize