I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
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So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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