I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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