I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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