I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize