i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize