I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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