i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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