oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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