I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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