its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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