i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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