Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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