Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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