tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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