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Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Randomize
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