last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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