I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
this just has baby written all over it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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