What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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