make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize