Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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