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Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
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