Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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