my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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