You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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